Before I launch into the usual blah blah blah, ‘it’s all about me’ tirade of selfishness covered up in a chocolate coating to make it look my concerns and views take into consideration those outside my immediate close circle, I should issue an ego warning. Because this time there is no sugary sweet tasty bit to take away from my too big to go outside without shades on ego, my A List attitude, my ‘please no pictures’ (not from that angle anyway) demands. This is all about me!
You see I was on TV tonight, oh yes, that there telly, on that there BBC. Looking and sounding very compassionate, very understanding and very, dare I say, controlled. A bloody natural! Let me tell you a secret but I guess you already know this bit, I only did the walk to get myself in front of a camera. I am but a charlatan with hiking boots on my pampered feet.
Cathartic doesn’t go close. It’s so good to finally come out of the good guy closet and tell you how it is in my head. That’s what blogs are for after all. All you genuinely good people who helped, encouraged and carried me through MY adventure -thanks! You made me the inspirational chap I am today. Think no less of yourselves by being hoodwinked by the glossy charitable facade I put on to make you believe in my kind nature.
I cannot honestly say that I didn’t enjoy it all. I could easily pretend to empathise with the persona I saw on the TV tonight. I could easily allow myself to believe my own press. An ex drummer from Deacon Blue called me a “remarkable man” Oh Dougie Vipond, you too?
The ego has landed.
Of course all the above is a double, or even triple bluff. Whilst I did enjoy the limelight and attention and who with my undoubted ability wouldn’t, I just have to really (yes this is the real me now) come clean and say that the only hoodwinking that went on was between me, myself and I
How can the self doubting, shaking man who just put one foot in front of the other a few times begin to take credit, or be afforded the honour of speaking for a whole club of people with Parkinson’s on a TV show when I know, I KNOW how much effort so many more people put into the damned walk. How much inspiration I took along the way (Richard Pinn, Rob Farrar, Yvonne MacPhee are you still listening!) from people who gave so much and gave so kindly.
I tried so hard to be obnoxious and egotistical at the start of this blog and I very nearly pulled it off. Can I once again make this all about me? This time with a little less hubris. I enjoyed watching myself and perhaps saw something of what anyone else can see. I saw that maybe I do have a right to talk about Parkinson’s. I am eminently qualified to speak about how it affects at least one life. I can look the camera straight down the lens and say something sensible. I can believe that the person I saw was not putting on an Oscar winning performance and also I saw that I can be me and do you know what? Shake and all, I kinda like being me!